Considering Family

consider how race, gender, social class, and sexuality
(1) impacted and shaped your family life so far
(2) affected your ideas about families
(3) might affect your family life in the future

Growing up in an all white, predominantly middle class, heterosexual family has made my life somewhat like book, in that my childhood for the most part represents the typical "American" lifestyle. There was no white picket fence around my house, and we never had a dog, but I had two older sisters, my mother and father are still married, we all went to public school, and on to college.
But perhaps this isn't the typical American lifestyle? Have I just grown up in a bubble where my friends were all like me, so I thought that I was normal? Was my childhood and adolescence a-typical to what most people of my generation experienced?
Maybe I feel as though I am from the norm group because my life is similar to what is portrayed in the media as normal. Families typically looked like mine, so I was never forced to think about what my life would have been like had I had a different family or background.

In terms of race, my family, both immediate and extended, are mostly Caucasian. I have one second cousin by marriage who is Asian, and my brother-in-law's Aunt by marriage is black. Other than that we are all of white-European descent. Due to this fact, and the fact that the town in which I grew up was predominantly white, I came to college with a narrow-minded view of what "race" actually meant, and the struggle that people go through every single day because of the color of their skin. Coming to college has opened my eyes to see the would besides from the lens of white privilege, through taking courses such as the History and Development of Racism, and through observing speeches and debates here on campus. While growing up, I thought that racism was a thing of the past, and even occasionally laughed at a joke poking fun at people of different races. Some people in my own family still make comments that reflect stereotypes of different groups; and I would have never had a different reaction to this had I not come to Boston.

In terms of gender, my family can be examined in two main ways. First, in general, my family is mostly women. Most of my cousins are girls, and within my immediate family I have two older sisters, and my mom, leaving my dad as the only male in the house. For this reason, and because of his temperament in general, I did not grow up in a "male" oriented house; meaning there was not a heavy influence on sports, or other things typically associated with men. My older sisters did participate in sports, but we also were all in dance, music, and I was in drama. I think in some families, fathers almost make their daughters into surrogate sons, using them as substitutes to play catch or do typically manly activities with. As for my father, he would have supported anything we wanted to do, whether it be play catch, or play lacrosse, or take ballet. And in terms of things like picking a movie, he is almost always overruled on his pick of a "guy movie" to watch one that we want to watch!
Looking at gender in a different way, my parents, for the most part, have fulfilled the normative husband and wife roles within their marriage. My dad has always been the major breadwinner in the house, going all over the country to find a job that could support us while we remained in Connecticut, so as not to disrupt our childhoods. My mother, while at times has worked (more so as my sisters and I became older, or if we were in a time where my dad could not find employment), has been the one to stay at home with us, and do the majority of the cooking and cleaning. And this was not because my dad could not cook, it was just simply how it was. I know she wishes it was different sometimes, but I think that is just how it is between them.
It is interesting to look at this situation between my parents but from outside the situation; I can see that they are very old fashioned in terms of gender roles, and because of that, I think my sisters and I have been raised with this notion of the dynamics between husband and wife. Granted my sister is married right now and her husband cooks, but that is because he loves to, and if she cooked, they would be eating macaroni and cheese every night. They both have jobs, but she is pregnant right now and there has been no question to the fact that she will take maternity leave to care for the baby at first. After a certain time she will return to work, and they will have to put the baby in daycare.
For myself, though, when I think of marriage, and my future spouse, whether I want to or not I imagine someone who will be able to "take care of me" in a sense. I still want to have my own career, and have someone that will want to share the household duties with me, but when I think in economic terms, I have not worried about finding a job that will provide "big bucks" because I assume that my husband will have one. And it is making my cringe to write this, because of the feminist ideals that are being preached and that I believe ; but maybe I only believe them on the surface. I think that women are powerful people that can do whatever they please, and I feel that way about myself too. But I also have that age-old desire to be taken care of.

In terms of social class, for the most part my whole family is upper-middle class; everyone has a steady job, typically in a business doing managerial type work; the only exception is my uncle, who is a pilot. My father has been blessed in terms of the jobs he has had, so we have for the most part always been well off. Because of this, and because most of my friends growing up have been in the same position, for social class too I was in sort of a bubble in that I was incredibly spoiled growing up, and still am on some levels. The fact that we are all at Boston College says something about social class; many people take it for granted that we are able to study at this institution, because it really is expensive. Perhaps other ways in which social class has affected my family is the aforementioned fact that my mother at times did not work; and when she did work, we typically did not depend on her salary to get by. My sisters and I were not forced to work while growing up, and I have still been encouraged not to work while in school, so I could fully concentrate on my studies. These are luxuries that many people have not had; if they can even be called luxuries. Having a job enables you to develop a sense of self-sufficiency, and gives confidence that you can support yourself. Perhaps this even explains my desire to be taken care of in the future, because I always have been; perhaps if I had been raised being forced to work and support myself, I would feel different about marriage and my future.

Sexuality is almost a taboo in my household; there is a strong influence of religion in my background, making it less of an importance if anything at all. To my knowledge there is no one in my family that is homosexual. And thinking about it now, I don't know if this is because of the religion, if they would feel like they would be accepted or not. I know my grandparents in particular were not opposed to homosexuality per se, but it did make them uncomfortable at some level, because it was not as mainstream and accepted during their time. Now it is becoming more open, and people feel like it is more a "normal" thing, so maybe later generations and their opinions will change that.

I imagine I often look at families in light of how they compare to mine; the role of the father and mother, the gender influences, the social class, the sexuality; I think I used to be more surprised when I saw something that was different than what I experienced. As I have grown though, and taken classes focusing on the family and interpersonal relations, I have been forced to examine what it means, in actuality, to be a family. And now, though my image of family for myself will for the most part remain constant, for others, family is whatever you need it to be. It can be mother and child, it can be friends whom you have come to depend on for survival, it can be lovers; the list is endless. My experiences with family have shaped what I imagine my life will be like in the future, and but my ideas about family have been shaped also by my experiences in school, and through discussion and reading about what family means to other people. I think it is too limiting to say that a family has to consist of a mother, a father, and children, because this might be impossible for some people, and might not be wanted by others. But because families might not fit into the typical image of what is expected, that is not a cause for alarm, or devaluation. Thus, I think family is a combination of factors, that can only work once a level of comfort and satisfaction is reached.